Been a long time...

Hello there.
It's been ... a little longer than a while since I've been here to pen down my two-cents.
Ahhh, indeed, this surge of familiarity--- it used to be my daily routine.
Nostalgic.


I don't deny I miss the freedom of typing whatever I like,
whenever I want,
about wherever I went,
and whoever I met.
I took pleasure in documenting each and every emotion or event that took place then.
I was happy and honestly, I didn't give two cares about what was thought of me.

As we ushered in 2015, I was hopeful for a better year just like every single breathing soul.
Perhaps turning 24 did make me mature up. Or rather, it changed me into someone I didn't think I'd be.
Today, I type everything with caution, most of the time omitting negative feelings.
I exit entries that are typed out with anger, sorrows and unhappiness.
I will be told to remove any content that would reflect badly on another person, or myself.
Even though I may feel that it is unjustified, I would still obliged.
It has come to an extent that I felt like I was blogging to please more than blogging to document my day. I gradually stopped blogging altogether.

I used to believe in the saying that "Those who mind don't matter, and those that matter won't mind".
I do not care about people who comment about me before getting to know me personally, because obviously, they do not know me so I wouldn't bother about their own judgement.
I am slow to warm up to people, and that often comes off as me being arrogant and aloof.
I do not see the point of having many superficial friends you can say " Hi" on the streets, but nothing more. It sickens me more than anything else to be smiley to someone whom I detest deep in my heart.
I cannot bring myself to fake a smile or be nice, because I just can't.
I am frustrated whenever I am told to "fake it to make it" , if not it will reflect very poorly on myself just because I can't be as fake as someone else.

You know those perpetual instagram commenters and likers. It's so sickening. They like every one's photos and always comment insincere things like " why so pretty" or whatever on every picture to get into peoples' good books when obviously they don't mean shit. It's so annoying. I don't know if I'm the only person who feels this way. I have a natural barrier towards people who are overly nice.

Anyway, back to the point, I just find it so tiring to constantly sugar my words on my blog or instagram just to paint a nice picture of myself or whatever. I'd rather not post anything. Or in real life, I'd rather be at home over going out anytime, making small talks with people who are not genuinely concerned about my life and vice versa.

And then there are the people who can comment that I'm a bad person and people have to be careful of me... which to me is just so full of shit. These are the exact people to be wary of in my opinion.
Hello? I'm an open book. If murder was legal, I would be the one telling you to run for your life before I chase you down the streets with a knife. Somehow, in this world, I guess the way to survive is to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Stab them when noone is looking, and then act like the victim. It is so tiring... I'd rather not have these "friends".

The number of people I would consider friends... I can count with the number of fingers I have, and honestly, that is good enough for me.

I do have quite a bit of unhappiness in me, and if I was as eloquent and articulate as Amos Yee, I would be in a better position to express my grievances.
For now, I just feel jaded but I do hope for the strength to become more magnanimous forgiving, and less stubborn.

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, this is the problem I want to have. I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way. Let our scars fall in love.”  ―Galway Kinnell

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” ―Louis de Bernières

Pusheen

Haha i just saw this cutest shit on Facebook.

I went to cart it out like IMMEDIATELY.....

GAHHHH~~

But the shipping is like $46 usd @#$$#%$^&^*&#. 

*exits page* 

:'(

It's gonna be Monday again tomorrow. hope all of you had a great weekend hehe.

 Wah so many pictures from Butter I don't even remember which is which. 

This should be NYE!! 

Marina Bay was so beautiful~~

It was packed. Faced the same problem last year when I couldn't get over to Butter from Fullerton, had to trouble J to come across to bring me over :/

collecting hairbands from butter since 2012

Woke J up to a breakfast spread made by me!

While he was showering, I made him this lame but cute thing lol i'm so cute sometimes seriously. 

Haagen dazz icecream with strawberries and pancake. I didn't have whipped cream so it ended up looking like that

his bejeweled family~~  they are super friendly people. his dad is awesome and josiah loves to cook too

 random selfie in office on new years day. i miss my hair T_T

cooked army stew on fri cos i was too lazy to go out to mingle lol. J came over for dinner then left for Butter. He sulked cos he wanted 6 quail eggs but i didn't want to let him have too many, bcos cholesterol much? But who can resist his puppy eyes....

shoot for quirky traits! miss my hair cant stop sulking

impulsive much. needed change badly haha

 Last night of butter... MAD!!!

I was more than high.... was totally drunk. Had severe memory loss . 

 was dancing with cheryl the whole night, damn drunk

cheryl and mah

i believe i have the tendencies to become a koala when im drunk

Josh the pimp. one arm hug 4 girls

these two darlings came over but i was gone gone gone and wanted to leave liao

Met up with the girls for Florencia's birthday dinner at Hai Di Lao. First time trying tomato base! It's the best out of all I've tried, I officially hate anything mala cause I hate cumin!!

 With pretty kelly!! she is so pretty i look like shit beside her every time, also i have been out for 15hours so cut me some slack ok

my fav <3

embracing my bangs the nxt day

experimenting with kimchi stew yest

And made myself breakfast this morning 

My life is all about food lol. 

Sighhhhh. 

Don't want to think too much bout other things as well.

Live and let live

MBS staycation// OPUS Jay concert

Went back early on Friday because we were going for staycation at MBS!!!! J only went home at 7.30am lol. He was so tired.

the room is fantastic!!! I love mbs! 

always camera ready this boy

Camwhoring in front of the huge mirror. My future toilet will have lots of mirror and maybe two sinks if i'm married. Haha. Even though it's quite redundant, but it's aesthetically pleasing plus, it's nice to have an indication of your personal spot at home.

His chocolate bar which i told him he's gonna lose sooner or later if he continues drinking like how he is drinking now haha

Been to MBS a few times but never got the chance to soak in the infinity pool. This was what excited me the most!

Hanwei came to accompany me to swim!

The view is amazeballs. Definitely better than Westin's haha. My favourite pool memory is at W hotel where J and I lazed on floats and sipped beer. We even played volleyball in the pool. It was a nice memory.  Apart from that, it was also empty. So we had the whole pool to ourselves and to play around. 

#imnotnaked

Then it was time to go to the stadium for our jay chou concert!! Thank you J for buying us tickets and bringing me there. Bucket list checked! Another item on the list for my fondest memories with him.

There were SOOO many people. We didn't have time to grab dinner. So we wanted to grab something fast and went to Burger King, but to our horror.. the waiting time was like 45-60mins. It's crazy. J waited while I went to pee, and it took me about 25 mins or longer to use the toilet

Thank you for getting us such good seats. That look of joy on your face.... haha.

Couldn't stop camwhoring haha

Ohh you sho cute mr zhou

He was wearing shiny/ metallic clothes the whole concert lol. Anyway didn't like any of his new fast tracks. They are so bad. 听爸爸的话 is my current ear muse. 

omg then he came down to the stage to shake hands, I totally ran to him but omg couldn't reach him in time and there were so many people :( And I left my bag at the seat so J came to find me holding my bag, and I just didn't care at all. I was damn crazy. Totally my bag over hand shake if you ask me now. So near yet so far..

He ended the concert with yet another fast song which I personally thought was really awful. Haha.

We went back to MBS and did some midnight grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping! 

Super tired so we slept in even though he wanted to go butter.... what's new haha. 

But thankfully he didn't mnd staying in the room with me.

Woke up earlier to fully utilise the pool. This time round with J. I think we only went like 15-20mins. Took some photos and left. The water was sooooo cold. 

His butterfly. I think quite hot. He has a nice body. Toned but not over muscular

Although a bit skinny haha. I feel so fat beside him seriously. 

Oh yah the singapore river is so dirty omg. 

i didn't want to get into the pool bcos i was cold haha . more excuse to camwhore.

cute.

Gonna miss him. 

Had lunch at his favourite coffee bean joint. It's now my fav one as well. 

Memories.....

I read somewhere that all hate is self hate. Haha, it's actually very true. My lack of self love and the way I have been brought up has led me to feel very strongly about certain things. Whenever anyone crosses this line, I get very defensive, angry, and judgemental.

Hopefully i'll learn to be less judging in time to come. 

I'm not a friendly person by nature, and I am slow to warm up to people which often lead them to think I'm arrogant or bitchy, but honestly, just see no point in being acquainted with people you know you won't become real friends with.. 

Oh wells, life....

Hopefully everything falls into place nicely, in time to come.

When I lose my way, please guide me home.